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I’ve always had a rather flippant relationship with money. Growing up, my parents handled everything—bills, budgets, the works—even when I was fully adulting and working. I just floated along, blissfully unaware that “financial responsibility” was a real thing people had to do.
Fast forward to marriage, where I quickly passed the financial baton straight to my husband. He’s a spreadsheet whizz and a utility deal-hunting genius. To be honest, I was happy to let him take charge. Why bother with something so boring when someone else could do it better?
But then came the first wake-up call.
What triggered the panic?
Last month, a broadband salesman knocked on my door and asked who our provider was. I had no idea. I jokingly mumbled something about not “making those decisions” and went off to fetch the “man of the house” to handle the “important stuff.” The cringe was real.
Then, a few days later, a friend casually asked who we had our mortgage with. I blanked. Again. I laughed it off and said I’d “have to check,” but I felt humiliated. I’m a fully functioning adult—I have a job, responsibilities—but I genuinely had no clue where our money was or who we were paying every month.
And then it hit me. What if something happened to my husband? Would I even know where to start? Where’s our mortgage paperwork? When are the bills due? What accounts are we even using? I realised I wasn’t just uninvolved in our finances—I was completely dependent.
Cue panic.
What worries you most about the future?
Honestly? The thought of being left in the dark. I’m lucky to have a partner who takes care of all the financial “stuff,” but what if life threw me a curveball? I wouldn’t know where to find a single document, let alone handle a mortgage renewal or compare gas and electric rates. It’s not just the logistics—it’s the anxiety that comes with feeling powerless. I’ve always shied away from money conversations because I found them stressful or boring, but avoiding it doesn’t make it go away. If anything, it makes it scarier.
So, what’s the plan?
This year, I’m pulling my head out of the sand. I’m not going full money guru—let’s be real, I’m not ready for colour-coded budgets or complex spreadsheets—but I do want to understand the basics. Baby steps.
Here’s where I’m starting:
- Know where everything is: Who we’re paying, how much, and when. Simple stuff, but a big deal for me.
- Sit down for a “money date”: My husband and I are going to go through everything together. Mortgage providers, savings, bills, accounts—the works.
- Ask questions without feeling silly: For years, I avoided money chats because I felt embarrassed about what I didn’t know. This year, I’m leaving shame at the door.
It’s not about taking over the finances—my husband is still the spreadsheet king—but it’s about being aware. If something happened tomorrow, I want to feel confident that I could step in without panicking.
Any advice for someone in the same boat?
Start small. Don’t try to tackle everything all at once because it’s overwhelming. Ask yourself:
- Do you know where your bills are being paid from?
- Who are your providers for your mortgage, utilities, and broadband?
- If something happened to your partner, could you find the important documents?
Get curious about the basics. And if you don’t understand something, ask. It’s better to feel silly for five minutes than to feel lost for months—or years!